Reader,  she retired. *  I had it all: The testimonials The tributes. The gifts. The fabulous party.  The meeting with the benefits office. The strange feeling of not getting a paycheck after working in the office for 27 years. My final date was May 31 so I have now completed one month of retirement.  For two years I have been concocting schemes to stay productive, engaged, connected, and smart in my retirement. I have collected books, articles, testimonials, and certificates.  I have an inflated sense of what I will now proceed to do.  So I’m now going to write about what I’m not going to do.

1. Have lunch with a bunch of women in lavender track suits.
2. Use the word retirement unless absolutely necessary.
3. Refer to the way we “used to do things” when I have lunch with old colleagues.
4. Use the words “seniors,” “elders,” ” senior citizens.”
5. Sleep later than 8:00……ever.
6. Carry on deep conversations about the exploits of my grandchildren.
7. Volunteer to cook, set tables, clean or do any of those things I have trouble doing for myself.
8. Exchange complicated recipes for desserts.
9. Recount all the healthy food choices I made this week or the number of local farmstands I patronize.
10. Join a gym.
11. Run a marathon even though I’m not only older, but better.
12. Think about my mother’s dwindling money.
13. Stop buying my own fresh, unsullied copies of new books (though I may stop in at the library once in a while).
14. Hang out with people I should like, but don’t.
15. Figure my driving confidence and skills will get much better.           ** (see Jane Eyre)

Categories: wisdom